Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
