I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think your dad took our porno
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
