hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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