i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
