OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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