I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
