I cockslap morals
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
