I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
