she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I came so hard my ears popped.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize