Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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