i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
