I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
