Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
