I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize