No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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