I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
