Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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