I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
