Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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