Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
