In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
