Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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