Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We're too hungover to prance.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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