dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
