i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
