the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
