i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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