If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
