I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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