K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
