I accidentally burped into my bong.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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