I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
