and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
