You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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