just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
