Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
