nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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