Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize