the condom got lost in my hair
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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