Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
