I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
