I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize