the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
