I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
