I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize