Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
