I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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