Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
