I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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