i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
