Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
