Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
