It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
