I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
