Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
