the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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