just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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