i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
