just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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