I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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