I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
