i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
