you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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