I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
