What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
