I only kidnapped one of them. chill
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
