You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
