Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize