My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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