he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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