So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize