Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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