If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
