now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just googled if crying burns calories
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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