May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
