i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
