I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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