If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
accomplished twins. life is a go
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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