He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize