I can't watch pbs sober anymore
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Randomize
