If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
