She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
