i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize