Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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