i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
