Cold hands, warm shart.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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