someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
