His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
