you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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