She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
