Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize