also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
