I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
