i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
