Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
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