Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
