Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
