Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
