Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize