I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Well I just put wine in my tea
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
