I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Dear god my vagina.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
