What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
