But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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