Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Randomize