and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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