He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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