I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize