Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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