I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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