apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize