Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
