dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
