Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
